King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man". What knight lives in that castle over there? Dennis: I'm 37. A self-perpetuating autocracy King Arthur: Old woman! Dennis: Man. Large Man: Why? Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him. Must be a king Large Man: Who's that then? Dead Collector: I dunno. Isn't there anything you could do? "Dead" Man: I feel happy. Large Man: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Large Man: Well, when's your next round? Dead Collector: Thursday. Dead Collector: I promised I'd be at the Robinsons'. Large Man: Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long. "Dead" Man: I don't want to go on the cart. Dead Collector: Well, I can't take him like that. Large Man: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment. Large Man: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. "Dead" Man: I'm not dead! Dead Collector: 'Ere, he says he's not dead. Dead Collector: What? Large Man: Nothing. Bring out your dead Dead Collector: Bring out yer dead! Large Man: Here's one. So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway. King Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?! Guard 1: But, of course, African swallows are non-migratory. An African swallow, maybe - but not a European swallow, that's my point. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? King Arthur: Please! Guard: Am I right? King Arthur: I'm not interested! Guard 2: It could be carried by an African swallow! Guard 1: Oh yeah. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here? Guard: Listen. Guard: What? A swallow carrying a coconut? King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk! Guard: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut. King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? King Arthur: Not at all. Guard: Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut's tropical! King Arthur: What do you mean? Guard: Well, this is a temperate zone. Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts? King Arthur: We found them. Guard: What? Ridden on a horse? King Arthur: Yes! Guard: You're using coconuts! King Arthur: What? Guard: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together! King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England! Guard: Pull the other one! King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy.
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